Wealth Beyond Riches: Building Prosperity With Purpose, Values, and Impact

How Mindset Shapes the Outcomes We Create with Sean Hubbard (Ep. 40)

• Abbey Henderson, CFP® • Season 1 • Episode 40

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What if the biggest thing standing between you and the life you want isn't your circumstances, but the way you're thinking about them?

In this episode, Abbey Henderson, CFP®, CEO, Wealth Advisor & Coach, sits down with executive coach and leadership development expert Sean Hubbard, founder of DECLARE IT! Inc, to explore the powerful role mindset plays in shaping our outcomes, relationships, leadership, and overall wellbeing.

Sean shares how a personal experience with organizational dysfunction led him to build a coaching practice focused on helping people take ownership of the results they create in their lives. Together, Abbey and Sean unpack how our perceptions, emotions, and habitual thought patterns influence everything from leadership and relationships to financial decisions and personal growth.

Abbey and Sean discuss:

  • Why leadership begins with taking 100% responsibility for the outcomes in your life
  • How mindset influences the five levers of wealth: finances, health, relationships, time, and personal growth
  • The hidden cost of suppressing emotions and avoiding discomfort
  • Why anxiety isn't necessarily the problem, and how it can point us toward meaningful growth
  • And more!

Connect with Abbey Henderson: 


Connect with Sean Hubbard: 


About our Guest:

Sean Hubbard is an executive coach, leadership facilitator, and the founder of Declare It, a leadership development company that helps individuals, teams, and organizations expand their capacity to create meaningful results.

After leaving a company he deeply loved and witnessing firsthand how leadership challenges and unresolved conflict can undermine even strong organizations, Sean dedicated his career to helping people better understand themselves and the impact they have on the world around them.

Through coaching, facilitation, and leadership development programs, Sean helps clients strengthen self-awareness, take ownership of their outcomes, navigate change, and lead with greater intention. His work focuses on mindset, emotional intelligence, personal responsibility, and the connection between how we show up and the results we create.

Sean works with leaders across a variety of industries and is passionate about helping people move from reacting to circumstances to consciously creating the lives, relationships, and organizations they want to build.


[00:00:00] Intro: Welcome to Wealth Beyond Riches with Abbey Henderson, CEO, wealth advisor, and coach at Abacus Financial Group. In this podcast, we help generous, fun, and passionate professionals overcome their biggest financial concerns while leveling up their lifestyles based on their values. We do this by exploring the five levers, which represent the diverse resources each person possesses throughout their lifetime.

These levers encompass finances, health, mindset, relationships, and time, offering a holistic approach to personal development and growth. Join us on this transformative journey as Abbey and her guests draw from years of experience to guide you in achieving your life goals while staying true to your values.

But that's not all. This podcast will equip you not just to build personal wealth, but also to understand how your prosperity can contribute to the betterment of the world around you. By exploring strategies for giving back and making a positive impact, [00:01:00] we'll empower you to create a life of significance and leave a lasting legacy of positive change

[00:01:10] Wendy McConnell: Hello, and welcome to the Wealth Beyond Riches podcast, with your host Abbey Henderson, where we talk about enriching your life in every way. I'm your producer, Wendy McConnell. Hello, Abbey. How are we today?

[00:01:22] Abbey Henderson: It's Friday- Eh ... so I'm fabulous.

[00:01:24] Wendy McConnell: Yes, it's Friday- How are you? ... and spring, and the weather's warming up.

We've, uh, we have hope once again.

[00:01:31] Abbey Henderson: We do, although I have to say, here outside of Boston, the nice days are all weekdays, so-

[00:01:36] Wendy McConnell: Oh, the same here in New Jersey. So

[00:01:39] Abbey Henderson: I'd like to swap a little bit. I'd like some sun on the weekends.

[00:01:42] Wendy McConnell: I work from home, so I can jet out and a little, get a little sun and... But yeah, I'm just being mean at this point.

[00:01:49] Abbey Henderson: In fairness, I have no excuses either. It's just that I don't make it happen. So there you go. Okay. Maybe our guest can help me fix my mindset about that.

[00:01:58] Wendy McConnell: There. And sin- [00:02:00] since you brought it up, who do we have today, Abbey?

[00:02:03] Abbey Henderson: We have Sean Hubbard, who is an executive coach. He's the founder of Declarit, a leadership development company that helps leaders, teams, and organizations expand their capacity to move forward and elevate their performance, and I'm so excited to have him.

Hi, Sean.

[00:02:21] Sean Hubbard: Hey, Abbey. How you doing?

[00:02:23] Abbey Henderson: I'm good. How are you?

[00:02:24] Sean Hubbard: Doing well. Very excited to be here. Got the little nervous going, got the butterflies cooking in the

[00:02:29] Abbey Henderson: tummy. Oh, trust me, this will be so easy, because you and I talk all the time, so it's really just- True ... like you and me having a conversation.

[00:02:36] Sean Hubbard: Beautiful.

Beautiful.

[00:02:39] Abbey Henderson: I always like to start podcasts finding out how people have ended up where they are. Mm-hmm. So can you tell me a little bit about your journey into coaching and how you founded your company?

[00:02:51] Sean Hubbard: Great. Okay, yeah. Uh, so about 15 years ago, I left a company that I absolutely loved and adored, and [00:03:00] thought I was going to be retiring from that.

A lot of changes were happening with inside the organization, just the way things were being led, there was this dismantling, and a part of that was me choosing to leave. And, and when I sat... Basically, I left without a plan. I would highly recommend do not do that to any of your- ... your listeners. Have a backup plan.

What worked, though, for me, was in part of that reflection, there was a lot of grief that I was going through because this company that I loved, I, and I mean loved, I, I really was passionate for this organization, and the sadness was it didn't have to happen. It didn't have to fall apart, and it all came just around how people were showing up with each other, just how they were creating conflict.

And so I sat back and I'm like, "I... Good companies shouldn't fail like that." And that kind of sparked the idea of how does that stop? And I started the journey of [00:04:00] becoming an executive coach, which led into more facilitation and working with leaders around creating this inside out model to understand themselves and how they're showing up.

Because when you do the inside work, it actually really starts to uncover how we're showing up, and then it creates better connection inside the organization. So that, that's what it was. It landed on this idea that I'm like, great companies and great teams shouldn't have to fail.

[00:04:25] Abbey Henderson: And- Not for

[00:04:25] Sean Hubbard: that reason

not, 'cause we get in our own way. It's just people keep getting in their own way, and yet we don't know we're in our own way. And that's really the thesis of is, like, if I can help organizations and individuals understand themselves better, then they will become better leaders

[00:04:42] Abbey Henderson: I love that. And there's so much overlap to what you're talking about in my world with wealth advising clients, and mindset is so much.

And our model, and we're gonna talk about yours in a minute, but our model is looking at what we call the five levers. Okay. Which is mindset, finances, health, [00:05:00] relationships, and time. So those are the things you're working with. Yeah. And then you have to align those with your values, your vision, and the impact you wanna make in the world.

Yeah. So

[00:05:11] Sean Hubbard: you are the- Oh, I love that. Yeah.

[00:05:12] Abbey Henderson: Thank you. You're the perfect person, though, to talk to us about this mindset piece.

[00:05:16] Sean Hubbard: Yeah, great.

[00:05:17] Abbey Henderson: And you... There's a quote on your website that I loved. It... And it's, "Every day everyone is demonstrating leadership, and our leadership moves us in one of two directions, towards or away from our goals."

I love that. Good. That's... We are all leaders, whether it's in an organization or in our families or communities or ourselves.

[00:05:35] Sean Hubbard: Yeah. Really, what we do at Declara is really start to flip the script on how we start to view these different concepts, so leadership and leaders. And for us, we define leadership as a way of being.

[00:05:48] Abbey Henderson: Oh,

[00:05:48] Sean Hubbard: I love that. It's, it's just the energetic field you're bringing to any given situation in any given moment And then what we offer up is a leader is anybody who's taking their 100% [00:06:00] responsibility for the outcomes they're getting in their world. So can they start to own how their way of being is co-creating these outcomes?

For good, bad, or ugly, right? For better or worse, but we are the common denominator. So yeah, that's a really critical aspect is can we look within and see how am I showing up, and is the way I'm showing up moving me towards the things I say I want or moving me away? And that gives us an opportunity to make some change if we're willing to make a change.

[00:06:29] Abbey Henderson: The two, two separate questions.

[00:06:31] Sean Hubbard: Go ahead.

[00:06:33] Abbey Henderson: Or two awarenesses. Yeah,

[00:06:34] Sean Hubbard: yeah.

[00:06:35] Abbey Henderson: Like realizing that you are co-creating it, and then the second part of that, and are you willing to do something about it? Yeah.

[00:06:40] Sean Hubbard: Yeah. What am I willing to do? Yeah, so that really starts off... I, I love this idea of mindset and/or how you have it on your five levers, 'cause I would imagine, and, and this would be my experience, is I have a relationship with money, and I have a certain perception of what that is, and based on that perception, it really [00:07:00] drives the way I handle money, the way I view money, what I do with money.

Yeah, so... And I... How are we seeing it? Do we see money as an abundance, there's a lot out there? Do we see it as a scarcity, there's not enough, so I gotta go get more? And all of that then drives all this behavior, which is where that, that life continuum would kick in.

[00:07:21] Abbey Henderson: Yeah, and I think it's... There's so much overlap, 'cause there's also the mindset and how it relates to the other levers.

So- R-

[00:07:29] Sean Hubbard: right ...

[00:07:29] Abbey Henderson: like how it relates to your relationships or how you're spending your time. And then it also relates to the bigger picture, and is your vision big enough, or are you holding yourself back? And-

[00:07:40] Sean Hubbard: Nice. Yeah ...

[00:07:40] Abbey Henderson: but I... Tell us about your life continuum model.

[00:07:44] Sean Hubbard: Okay. So we bring clients through this to help them really start to see where they have a lot more control in the life that's happening out there around them.

So if we just simplify life for s- for a moment, it [00:08:00] is really a series of events, responses, and outcomes. Events, responses, and outcomes, right? So this is happening thousands of times a day. There's these l- events that pop up, I respond to that event, and I get a certain outcome. Okay, so if we start to really break that down, the theory would be we're always in control.

It's not what happens to you, it's how you handle or it's what you do with what happened. That's the response piece, right? Which is, w- which, let me be clear, 100% agree, yes. Yet we can start to separate event and response, and there's a bigger space in there that if we start to understand that, we have more choice here.

So really what happens is there's an event, something happens, and the next phase is I have a perception of that event. And in our mind, we just create meaning. That's what the mind does. The mind makes meaning out of things. Okay, so there's an [00:09:00] event. I have a perception of that event. Based on my perception, I'm gonna spark a series of emotions.

Those emotions are now gonna inform my attitude. That attitude now influences my response. My response now is going to inform kind of the outcome. So that's the ripple ef- the ripple effect that happens. So an event happens, and again, minor to major. An event is I ran out of staples. Right. That's an event.

There's an event that I got caught at the red light. There's an event that my grocery store doesn't have the apples I like. There is an event that the relationship just ended. There's a r- there's an event that a loved one just passed away. So minor to significant, there's all these events. And then we organize our life, so our perception or our context filter, the way we are seeing things, is how we make sense of the world [00:10:00] So as soon as event happens, we have a story about that event.

So for simplicity's sake, we either say it was good or it was bad. We say this was safe, or we say this was a threat. We say- And are we

[00:10:13] Abbey Henderson: saying this literally to ourselves or is this happening, like-

[00:10:16] Sean Hubbard: Oh, yeah, great question ... subconsciously? Intuitively, at an unconscious level, just- Yeah ... instinctually, we're just going off.

We don't even know we're doing it, which is- Mm-hmm ... the scary part. Most of us are running so unconscious, right? We're just running the, this automatic pilot because we know how to navigate the world that way. Yeah, really good question. So, yeah, so quickly though, it's good, bad, safe, threat. Right. Oh, this is for me, this is against me, right?

Like, it's... We're really looking at that. And as a result of that, no matter which way you see it, emotions are now gonna be sparked. All the emotions are at play here. The difference is based on how I'm seeing the event, I'm either [00:11:00] using my emotions, so I'm using the intelligence of the emotions to inform a response, or I'm being used by the emotions.

I get emotionally hijacked, and now the emotions are now running my decisions.

[00:11:13] Abbey Henderson: And can you just say a quick thing? Is this, is it something I'm... S- all right, say something happens and I'm sad. Is it me thinking I'm sad, or is it something in my body that tells me I'm sad? Like, how is that emotion piece-

[00:11:28] Sean Hubbard: Yeah

[00:11:29] Abbey Henderson: actually happening?

[00:11:30] Sean Hubbard: Great. So most of us have been taught to live up in our heads, and we cut off all this beautiful intelligence that's happening through the body. So emotions, so if we just think about emotions, like emotion, right? It's energy in motion. So the body is sending you all kinds of signals. So, and the reason why we call emotions feelings is because you are having physical sensations go through the body.

As I s- mentioned when I came on, I noticed the butterflies in [00:12:00] the tummy.

[00:12:00] Abbey Henderson: Yeah.

[00:12:00] Sean Hubbard: I got the sensation going on. So the emotions now are, you are physically feeling them, and if you can get out of your head and tap in to go, "Oh, there's emotion here." So I'd imagine with sadness, there's some type of lump in the throat.

There's a bit of a heartache, perhaps. Whatever that is, that's telling us something. To use that, though, we're looking for the in- intelligence there, which is the intelligence of sadness is something needs to be grieved. Something needs to be let go of. Okay. So if I can be with it from a mindset of there's a place here that I get to create from, then I can use that sadness to create.

Mm-hmm. Which a part of that is I have to let go of something, and let me process and actually be sad. Mm-hmm. So let me release the sadness, let me cry, let me do whatever I need to do so it processes. Where when I have a mindset where it's a little bit more [00:13:00] of this is a problem, this is wrong, this is bad, I start to suppress those emotions so they don't get out, or they come really explosive out and it now really distorts how I'm going to act, so I'm not clear on, on where to go.

[00:13:16] Abbey Henderson: And just as a little throwback to my, uh, my last podcast episode where we talked about the Enneagram, I am a three. Okay. And that means that I... And I know you know a little bit about the Enneagram too, but that means that I do not, I... These feelings are not efficient.

[00:13:32] Sean Hubbard: Yeah.

[00:13:32] Abbey Henderson: So I'm gonna be squashing those and moving on.

[00:13:34] Sean Hubbard: Which again, it's not a problem. We don't wanna make that a problem. Right. It just means you're not actually going to optimize the outcome that you want. And-

[00:13:43] Abbey Henderson: It's not as effective ...

[00:13:44] Sean Hubbard: it won't be as effective.

[00:13:45] Abbey Henderson: Ironically, even though I think it is in the moment.

[00:13:47] Sean Hubbard: And then it's interesting, 'cause I think one of your pillars w- was health, right?

Mm-hmm, yep. So all of a sudden I start to suppress all these things, so my mindset now, emotions are bad or wrong, push them down. That will have a consequence now to [00:14:00] health.

[00:14:00] Abbey Henderson: Yeah, for sure.

[00:14:01] Sean Hubbard: So there's this ripple effect that's constantly happening, and it all, for me anyways, it all starts- Yeah ... with the mindset.

How am I looking at this? And we're all very good at being able to justify our behavior. But we, we can all make sense of it, and then what we do is we go out there and we find our collusion partners s- so people go, "Yeah, no, you're right. Yeah, don't do that." You're like, "Okay, good. I'm f- I, I don't need to do anything different."

[00:14:28] Abbey Henderson: Yeah.

[00:14:29] Sean Hubbard: And it just c- we just keep moving further and further away from the things we say we want.

[00:14:33] Abbey Henderson: So with an exam- if we're doing the sadness thing, an example of that might be, all right, I... Something sad has happened. I'm sad, but I'm gonna squash that because it's more efficient to just be like, "Yeah, I was sad," and move on.

So then I go out and find someone in my life who's, "Oh, I'm so glad you moved past that so easily." And I'm like, "Yes. Yes, I did."

[00:14:54] Sean Hubbard: Yeah. Yeah, because now you got the tick to go, "See, I was right to do that behavior."

[00:14:58] Abbey Henderson: The collusion partner. Yeah.

[00:14:59] Sean Hubbard: And then, [00:15:00] and then maybe- Yeah ... you meet me and I go, "Sounds like you're sad.

Like, why are you holding that back?" And you're like, "I don't like you because you're not living in my context filter of we, we all agree," right? Sadness is a wrong or bad emotion.

[00:15:12] Abbey Henderson: Yeah.

[00:15:13] Sean Hubbard: And this is what we tend to do, so coming back to perception, right? Mm-hmm. So emotions are just an event. I'm feeling this thing.

And then all of us will have some story around emotions. And really what we've been taught, and I don't like this language, which is there's good emotions and there's bad emotions. There's positive emotions and there's negative emotions. And as soon as you assign a label to that, good, bad, people try to get the good and they try to avoid the bad.

So most people will say fear, anger, and sadness is bad. Mm-hmm. So don't feel them. So if I'm feeling them, something must be wrong with me, I'm a bad person, so suppress.

[00:15:51] Abbey Henderson: Yep.

[00:15:51] Sean Hubbard: And that's just a mindset. And yet there's all this intelligence in all these emotions. So emotions are running. We're, [00:16:00] as humans, we are more emotion...

We're less logical than we think we are. We

[00:16:05] Abbey Henderson: really are.

[00:16:06] Sean Hubbard: We are, right? We're-

[00:16:07] Abbey Henderson: Animals ...

[00:16:08] Sean Hubbard: we're emotional beings. We instinctually move on stuff- Yeah ... and yet we try to rationalize, and this is where we're, where we override this beautiful system that we have that's very intuitive, because we have a perception around emotions.

Cut it off. We have a perception of how a person should show up. We have a perception of what a financial advisor should look and sound like and dress like and all that stuff. There's a perception of what an executive coach should and should not say, right? So we have all these stories that we just make up- And then we start to believe our own bullshit.

[00:16:41] Abbey Henderson: Yeah.

[00:16:41] Sean Hubbard: And then once you do that, it's very difficult to challenge the perception in which you see all these events. 'Cause to challenge that sends the rest of your system in a bit of a wobbly state, and it feels unsafe, and you're like, "I don't like this, so let me just go back to finding people that agree with me."

Yeah.

[00:16:59] Abbey Henderson: And then I think [00:17:00] about the whole neuroplasticity thing and how well-worn those behaviors- Mm ... those thought patterns, that- that's why they're automatic- Yeah ... 'cause you've just been skiing down those tracks for- Yeah ... in our case, 50-something years.

[00:17:13] Sean Hubbard: Yeah. That's right. That's right. Just think about, I was listening to you and Wendy chatting, I mean, coming in.

How are you today? It's Friday. There's a story about Friday.

[00:17:21] Abbey Henderson: Yep.

[00:17:22] Sean Hubbard: And then there's a story about if the sun's out or not. And that-

[00:17:26] Abbey Henderson: I have a big story about that, clearly.

[00:17:29] Sean Hubbard: I support that story. Um, but yeah. Just think about if you're one of those folks that are affected by the weather, my mood is affected by the weather, that's just a perception thing.

I'm only okay if out there is okay.

[00:17:45] Abbey Henderson: Yeah.

[00:17:46] Wendy McConnell: So can I clarify something?

[00:17:47] Sean Hubbard: Yeah.

[00:17:48] Wendy McConnell: What you're saying is that we automatically have these emotions because it's what we've been doing for our whole lives. It's just what we've always reinforced over and over again, and if we wanna do something differently, then we have to [00:18:00] challenge them and not have somebody say, "No, you were right."

You have to... Y- somebody has to be like, "Maybe you should've handled that differently," or-

[00:18:08] Sean Hubbard: Yeah.

[00:18:09] Wendy McConnell: Great That's what you do. You're like- Yeah ... "Wait a minute."

[00:18:11] Sean Hubbard: That's why I like that one. So what I would do is I would come back to go, "Let's look at the outcome." What... Are you not getting what you want here? So let's start to work it all the way back, and what got you to here?

It's this thing happened, so there is this event, and then I wanna know is how are you thinking and believing about that event? That's what I wanna challenge. The emotions that you experience are all real and valid, so whatever you're feeling is what you are feeling. What we would say is don't discount that, don't dismiss that.

Be in those emotions. Can you use them? But what we wanna offer up is those emotions are really tied to your thoughts. So your emotions aren't lying, but your thoughts will lie to you. So let's challenge the thought if you're willing.

[00:18:59] Abbey Henderson: And [00:19:00] challenge doesn't mean make it wrong or- No ... ultimately say you should have done something differently, or just questioning it and seeing what's there.

[00:19:08] Sean Hubbard: Yeah, and really ask yourself, "Is this thought really serving me?"

[00:19:12] Abbey Henderson: Yeah.

[00:19:12] Sean Hubbard: And f- and chances are, Wendy, for how many years it has served you to think that way. So to not think that way becomes very scary, 'cause now your whole l- your whole system is like a house of cards. You're like- Yeah ... "Jeez, if I pull out that card, what else is gonna fall?"

And that feels very uncomfortable and very wobbly. Yeah.

[00:19:35] Wendy McConnell: If I don't get mad at that, then my whole life

[00:19:38] Sean Hubbard: is

[00:19:38] Wendy McConnell: ended. Right. That's

[00:19:39] Sean Hubbard: what I get mad at. That- that's exactly right. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Yeah. I've made that wrong, bad, or whatever, and now I can see that there's a benefit to that?

Whoa, that no longer makes sense to me.

[00:19:54] Wendy McConnell: Okay. Yeah. Got it.

[00:19:56] Sean Hubbard: Yeah.

[00:19:57] Abbey Henderson: And I think there's something else there about the fa- and this is [00:20:00] a, probably a whole nother podcast. Something there about the fact that we, as a culture, do not believe in being uncomfortable.

[00:20:09] Sean Hubbard: Correct.

[00:20:10] Abbey Henderson: And so- That's a big one ... actually staying with the, the discomfort- Staying in the discomfort.

Yeah ... to see it

through to the other side is not something culturally we are good at.

[00:20:19] Sean Hubbard: No. And I would offer up, as this new generation is coming up, the ability to stay in anxiety is really shortened. So if I think about our generation, we had to learn how to do a lot of stuff, 'cause parents weren't around. You just f- went and figured stuff out, 'cause you didn't know any different, right?

[00:20:36] Abbey Henderson: Yeah.

[00:20:38] Sean Hubbard: But here's the thing. If I want something different, so if I want my outcomes to be different, I need to look at my current reality. So if this is the outcome I want and my current reality is down here, there's a gap. So in o- that gap automatically will create anxiety, 'cause I want something [00:21:00] different than I actually have.

Okay. The anxiety will always be there. From a mindset perspective, it's do you make the anxiety a problem? 'Cause if anxiety's the problem, you try to solve from the anxiety, which is get rid of the anxiety, and you do that in one of two ways. You either lower your outcomes, so change the outcomes, 'cause now...

Th- this is really what it looks like, right? So if I have this rubber band, there's the outcome I want, here's the current reality. I got this tension. This tension is uncomfortable. If you make the tension the problem, you either reduce your outcome, so change it, so now I feel better, or I just bullshit myself on what the current reality is and then it's, it's not as bad as I thought it was.

[00:21:43] Abbey Henderson: Yeah. That makes sense.

[00:21:44] Sean Hubbard: Where what we wanna play with is, okay, the way to change this is you hold this and you start to work to change the reality to get closer to it, and that releases the tension. But this is all the mindset. It's no matter what you're doing, as soon as you [00:22:00] attempt to do something new, inherently, anxiety's built into that system.

[00:22:04] Abbey Henderson: Growth thing is easy.

[00:22:05] Sean Hubbard: No, it's not, right? And again, from small to minor, or m- from major- Yeah ... to, not... Now I'm screwed up. But from minor to significant, like-

[00:22:12] Abbey Henderson: Yeah ...

[00:22:13] Sean Hubbard: think about a few days ago, I went to a restaurant and someone offered me a new food that I would not normally... And I got anxious. I'm like, "Th- no, that's not, that's not a good fo- " But there's already anxiousness in the system.

So am I willing to try that food, yes or no? But the, to get rid of the anxiousness, I make it the, that's bad food, or, or I think if I have that, something will happen. So I, I- That makes sense ... I deal with the anxiety to get rid of the anxiety. That's what most of us are doing now. So we make the anxiety the problem to solve versus actually getting clear on what the reality is so then I can change the reality and l- be in the anxiety.

'Cause once I start to shift it, the anxiety starts to go away. [00:23:00] But you're looking for a quick hit.

[00:23:02] Abbey Henderson: How do you help clients figure out what outcome they want? Do people normally know that? Or is it just that something doesn't match and-

[00:23:14] Sean Hubbard: Yeah ...

[00:23:14] Abbey Henderson: then I have anxiety?

[00:23:15] Sean Hubbard: So really what you're... We're working with clients to say, "Okay, so yeah, so what is it you really want?"

And really want is we're figuring out where the pain points are. What's keeping you up at night? What thoughts are you having, are reoccurring that you might be ruminating on? Projects, people, right? And often what happens is we know where to look because they're looking for out there, other people, to be different.

[00:23:42] Abbey Henderson: Yeah. Yeah, so true.

[00:23:43] Sean Hubbard: That's the c- that's the coo- Like, it's I'm only gonna be okay if Abbey shows up differently. So they're like, "Sean, can you tell me how I get Abbey to be different?" And I'm like- ... "Oh, okay, I can't. I can help you be different with Abbey, and if you show up diff- If your way of being is different with Abbey, [00:24:00] chances are you'll start to see Abbey as different, and Abbey is still the same.

But you are now, in relation with Abbey, different, 'cause you can see her more as human."

[00:24:09] Abbey Henderson: And that might m- actually make me change how I interact with that person, 'cause they're interacting differently with

[00:24:16] Sean Hubbard: me- Yeah. And, and that's t- ... and it could ... and that's typically, yeah, that's typically how it goes. That, that seems woo-hoo to say that.

Hey, be the change you want in the world, and if I'm different, then Abbey will be d- But it actually happens. Yeah. Because, because I am now less reactive with Abbey, and a- as my reactivity goes down, Abbey's reactivity goes down, and now there's this space of openness where we get to create from. So for me, that's the kind of...

It keeps coming back to that mindset piece, is what are you focused on? As these... Are you focused on outcomes or the problems? Are you focusing on creating, or are you focusing on ruminating? It's, that's where you just get caught, and then that whole ripple effect starts to happen.

[00:24:55] Abbey Henderson: We're... I knew this was gonna happen.

We're starting to run out of time.

[00:24:57] Sean Hubbard: Already?

[00:24:58] Abbey Henderson: Yeah.

[00:24:59] Sean Hubbard: Okay.

[00:24:59] Abbey Henderson: [00:25:00] Yep.

[00:25:00] Sean Hubbard: Okay.

[00:25:01] Abbey Henderson: We're gonna have to do it again.

[00:25:02] Sean Hubbard: Okay.

[00:25:02] Abbey Henderson: But, so I have two questions coming to mind, and you can answer one or both. One is broader, and it's if listeners wanted to start applying this themselves, what would you recommend? And then the other question is, do you have tips for people on how to actually slow down and notice any of this is happening?

[00:25:23] Sean Hubbard: Great.

[00:25:23] Abbey Henderson: Okay. And maybe they're related.

[00:25:24] Sean Hubbard: Yeah, I would say that they're related. If- If they wanna really do this, I would start with really doing an inventory of their life, of where are they getting the outcomes that they want and where are they not getting the outcomes they want, and really sit down and write them out.

Really be thoughtful in that process, and be brutally honest with yourself. If you're not getting a... If your outcomes aren't giving you an eight, nine, or 10 out of 10, then [00:26:00] you're not getting what you want. Mm. So get clear on what those are, and maybe you can cat- like low, medium, and high, but drop them into that.

That would be the first piece. And then just identify those, and then get clear on what does success look like? And success then would look like, let's say I do that inventory and I say, "Abbey and I, we're like at a four out of 10." What's the outcome I want? I want a relationship in which it's open, honest, we are sharing and being vulnerable with each other.

I can count on Abbey to tell me what I need to hear. I can count on Abbey to hear what I need to say. What- whatever that description is, but get clear on what that is, and it's not making it all about the other person. It's what do I want? W- how would this look? Step three then is... And how am I acting now? Am I acting in a way that invites that behavior, or am I acting in a way [00:27:00] that resists that behavior?

And so you start within. So what do I need to start differently? And more times than not, it's a conversation with Abbey to go, "Abbey, the relationship isn't what I was hoping it would be, or I want it to be different, and I realize I'm playing a role in that." Are you open to- Back to 100% responsibility ... back

[00:27:19] Wendy McConnell: to 100% responsibility.

[00:27:19] Sean Hubbard: Am I w- a- and are you willing to try to th- do things differently? And the scary part of that, the reason why most people won't do that, is the thing that they fear the most is Abbey saying, "No, I don't wanna do that." And now we're like, "Now what? Do I have to end the relationship?" So I might be avoiding the sadness by avoiding the actual real conversation.

[00:27:41] Abbey Henderson: All right. You're coming back for another episode at some point.

[00:27:44] Sean Hubbard: Wonderful.

[00:27:45] Abbey Henderson: But for the purposes of today-

[00:27:47] Sean Hubbard: Yeah ...

[00:27:47] Abbey Henderson: w- what is one thing... If c- if listeners were gonna take away one thing, what is that one thing you want them to have stuck in their head?

[00:27:56] Sean Hubbard: I would say the one thing that they can take away is [00:28:00] they have the power to choose the outcomes that they have.

[00:28:03] Abbey Henderson: I love that.

[00:28:04] Sean Hubbard: Yeah.

[00:28:05] Abbey Henderson: Mic drop.

[00:28:06] Sean Hubbard: Mic drop.

[00:28:07] Abbey Henderson: All right. Where can our listeners find out more about you and Declare It?

[00:28:13] Sean Hubbard: You can find... So my website's at declareit.ca. I'm on LinkedIn, is my only social media. I haven't been as active on that, but there's a bunch of little stories on that. Or they can email directly, directly at sean@declareit.ca.

[00:28:29] Abbey Henderson: Perfect, and we will link to all of that-

Oh,

[00:28:30] Sean Hubbard: okay. Perfect ...

[00:28:31] Abbey Henderson: in the show notes. Yeah.

[00:28:32] Sean Hubbard: Awesome.

[00:28:33] Wendy McConnell: All right. Great. Yes. I'm, I can't wait till you have him back too, Abbey. This was fantastic. I loved it.

[00:28:38] Abbey Henderson: Yeah. Awesome.

[00:28:39] Wendy McConnell: Yeah. Awesome. So- See you again. Thank you ... how do people get in touch i- with you, Abbey?

[00:28:44] Abbey Henderson: Oh, I'm in all the places, for better or worse.

Website is avaricefinancialgroup.com. I'm on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram. Um, and always love to hear from people, so, uh, can [00:29:00] email me as well at Abbey, abbey@avaricefinancialgroup.com. And yeah, that's-

[00:29:07] Wendy McConnell: That's all of it ... not hard. Really, that's just those couple of things? All right. Thank you.

[00:29:11] Sean Hubbard: Just I gotta rethink my social media.

[00:29:15] Wendy McConnell: Thanks to both of you, and thank you for listening today. Please follow and share this podcast with your friends. Until next time, I'm Wendy McConnell.

[00:29:27] Outro: Thank you for listening to Wealth Beyond Riches. Click the follow button to be notified when new episodes become available, and be sure to visit our website at www.Abarisfinancialgroup.com. Don't forget to click the follow button to be notified when new episodes become available. The information covered and posted represents the views and opinions of the guest and does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of Abaris Financial Group.

The opinions voiced in Wealth Beyond Riches with Abbey Henderson are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or [00:30:00] recommendations for any individual. To determine what may be appropriate for you, consult with your attorney, accountant, financial or tax advisor prior to investing.

Guests on Wealth Beyond Riches are not affiliated with Abaris Financial Group or New Edge Advisors LLC. Advisory services offered through New Edge Advisors LLC, a registered investment advisor.